Quilexis Alex Quinn Quinns Thoughts
by Alurous
Summary: Quinn kissed Alex to get back at her father. When she realized she had feelings for her, Alex was already gone, Santana had told Alex about Quinns plan, therefore hurting Alex.


_Late have I loved you…_

I still remember the first time I met you; a complete loser to me, I was till the captain of the cheerios. We took Spanish together, I'm sure other classes too, the first year with Mr. Schue, you stood up and spoke, I laughed of course back then I only cared about me, myself and I. I could have cared less what you liked or thought, I could have cared less what anyone thought honestly, but then again you didn't cared about anyone did you? We weren't that different.

_Beauty so ancient so new…_

I tortured you, I made fun of you, for no reason at all, and it was just one more reason for me to be popular. I called you gay, I called you a loser, I made fun of you, and I made sure everyone made fun of you. I never would have imagined that you would have become the most important thing in my life. I still can't believe even with my straight A average I couldn't understand what I was doing, when they said stupid blondes they meant it.

_Late have I loved you…_

I remember your clothing, always using those weird skinny jeans, either a hoody or some weird superhero shirts, I remember you would wear superman shirts, was ridicules back then. Though somehow all of that complimented your light brown eyes and your long black hair. I always laughed that you would walk everywhere with your headphones laying on your shoulders and listening to loud music completely ignoring what went on around you.

_You were here with me, but I was not with you and it was there that you found me…_

That day I was rock bottom, I couldn't be any lower. That day you were there, without knowing me, all you knew about me was what I wanted everyone else to see, no one really knew me, but you came in… after all I made you go through you were there with a helping hand, willing to listen to all the stupid things going on in my life, you become my true friend, but of course I wasn't going to allow you to know that, I wasn't going to allow anyone in school to know that, it would ruin my reputation, even though it pained me. You would have helped me but I did nothing for you. I treated you like shit but you would have always been there when I needed you.

_You breathed your fragrance on me, I drew in your breath and I keep on breathing…_

When I was a wreck I thought I would have nothing else to lose, I changed my hair pink, I got a piercing on my nose and I thought smoking would of made all the pain away, I even dated a 40 year old skateboarder just so my father would have had more reasons to be pissed at me, the only thing left for me was to date a girl, of course I didn't liked any girl I just wanted it for the pleasure to see the pain in his eyes, that there was nothing more I could of done in this world that would of disgraced him. Immediately I thought of you, and again I didn't liked you like that, in fact I only saw you as this 'thing' that I could tell all the hell I had to go through and not get judged. When I finally had you close and made you believe I actually felt something for you that I had the urge to kiss you I went for it, right there I noticed all those years of me calling you gay. Boy was I in for a surprise.

_I've tasted I've seen and now I want more…_

When I kissed you instead of seeing that moment as 'mission accomplished' I saw it as a different completely perspective, I felt the warmth I never felt with Puck, Sam or Finn. It was weird, it felt like a dream I can't explain how but kissing that girl brought… I don't even know. It was unreal but I wanted more, by the time I realized it she was gone, she knew I only kissed her because of some stupid goal I wanted to accomplish against my father, and it hurt her I used her, I betrayed her. There I realized for the first time in all those months I've known her that she was in love with me, all this time she never judged me, she never made fun of me, she was always there when I needed her, she was always there… loving me, in the dark but she was the light, whenever we talked I felt happy, I felt like nothing really happened and that everything would be OK, then I went back into this world and I was reminded it did happen, deal with it.

_Late have I loved you…_

You were so hurt that you ignored me. I didn't expect you too forgive me though… but by the time I realized my feelings for you it was too late. Late have I loved you… there is nothing that could describe this confusion I'm having. I love you Alexis Ellis Xanders, and I plan to get you back. I promise I'll change; I want to be able to go to Yale and know that you will come with me. I love you, I regret everything and I regret nothing. I would have not realized any of this without the previous things. You always saw through this façade...

_You called and you shouted, you broke through my deafness, you flashed and you shone dispelled all my blindness…_


End file.
